Saturday, April 29, 2006

Ich sprech kein Spanish, Sprechen sie English?

Yes, the right wing is all atwitter about a version of the Star Spanglished Banner in Spanish. Oh the horror!! I guess we should change the names of the following states: Florida (Flower festival), California (Land of the Caliph, yes it's a salute to Spain's MuslimMoorish heritage), Nevada (snowy land), Arizona (dry zone), Colorado (Colorful), Montana (Mountain), and New Mexico (o.k. so we changed it halfway, it was Nuevo Mexico). I guess we should rename the Grand Canyon the Grand Revine. No, we cannot rename it the Grand Arroyo, arroyo is a Spanish word too. We are after all, a 100% English speaking country. So no more tacos, burritos, chalupas or papusas for you, right wing bigot.
So from now on, these words are verboten:
Canyon
Barbeque
Hurricane
Huarache
Arroyo
Lasso
Hoosegow
Salsa, it's sauce dammit.
Chap
Gaucho, and they were coming back into style. From now on, they are palazzo capris.
Loco
Negro - the color not the race.
Blanca- and we'll have to rename that movie to Whitehouse.
Sierra - that's going to involve new maps and renaming a soda.
Tomato
Potato- we did have a Veep who couldn't spell it, oh let's call the whole thing off
Mustang
Bronco
Chocolate - when you pry it from my cold, dead hands you can take it away from me
Ranch
Alligator - the University of Florida is going to have to find a new mascot. See, Florida State isn't the only politically incorrect university in Florida
Cafeteria - we need to find somewhere else to eat
Renegade
Tornado
Guerrilla - one man's terrorist is another man's insurgent, freedom fighter.
Buccaneer
Cigar and Cigarette
Cilantro - call it what it really is, coriander
Marijuana - not that you should be smoking it
ALGEBRA - the bane of many a math student, thanks to the Eschatonians for the suggestion.
What the wingnuts do not understand about America is that our culture is an amalgam of other cultures. Our music is a combination of Irish-Celtic and Aftican traits. We celebrate Oktoberfest, St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo. If 5/5 hasn't been cancelled. So I must ask the Fox News question: Is there a war on Cinco de Mayo?
So go vamoose. Go now. Adios, and I'm not saying that again.

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